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Balrogs are impatient creatures as shown by this one trying to taste test a new lasagna recipe before letting it cool down slightly.

Balrogs are massive bipedal demonic creatures that dwell deep underground. "Bipedal" does not mean they ride bicycles.

These cellar dwellers are often covered in flame and appear to be made of lava. They have large claws and fangs, and carry whips and other weapons, enough to cause raptures in the hearts of BDSM practitioners. Humans have no chance with them except for Usain Bolt who could sprint away from them quite easily. There have been few survivors reported in encounters with balrogs, as their whips are just long enough to reach a victim in every case where the plot calls for it.

It has always been wondered exactly what balrogs do when not involved in fighting someone or something. Evidence provided by cave explorers suggests they are cooks, and not very good ones. Large piles of burnt baked goods have been found tossed into corners of caverns along with torn-up pages of The Betty Crocker Cookbook scattered about. Experts like Julia Child have suggested turning down the ovens slightly and not constantly opening oven doors with fiery whips to check on doneness.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Balrog, or simply go here.

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