Anubis

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Anubis using the ancient Egyptian device called a typewriter to write obituaries.

Anubis is the Egyptian god of the underworld and death, a good guy to know if you're dead.

He has the head of an African golden wolf, formerly included in the jackal family. This was a natural mistake since Anubis was the inventor of jackal lanterns, now represented by carved pumpkins with candles inside.

Anubis is the big mortician in the afterlife as he also is the inventor of mummification. Thus he is also the originator of Cup o' Noodles that are also similarly preserved to last thousands of years. But don't hold that against him because he can bite your head off in retaliation. And wouldn't you look stupid in the afterlife showing up without a head?

He is also designated as the protector of graves. The god has proven to be not so hot at this, what with so many pyramids and tombs having been looted. This problem was caused by his contracting security out to the mummies themselves. Yet guardian mummies were taken away to places like America and put in museums and private collections or had their wrappings used to make paper. Further, since those mummies were generally members of royalty, they refused to take fast food jobs to earn the money to get passage back to Egypt.

Due to extensive grave robbing, Anubis no longer requires payment for services in the afterlife. After judging souls of the dead, Anubis gives out passcards of various levels, the best of which allow unlimited rides on the underworld roller coaster and other thrill rides. Beer is available to all but only the good stuff goes to those with platinum cards and above.