Anita Bryant

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Anita Bryant (b.1842) is a singer, onetime spokesperson for the orange juice industry and ardent anti-gay rights activist since a poncy-looking waiter forgot her orange juice once.

She is also famous for having her upswept hairdo not move in over 50 years. Again, her stance against the LGBT movement may stem from a hairdresser that used too much hairspray. This is unfortunate as her hair has become "woke" and tolerates gays just fine. Bryant thus wears a scarf wherever she goes to prevent her hair from expressing an opinion in front of reporters.

Bryant is the only woman who has ever wet her pants from an orgasm after being pinched by former president Dubya. However, this has been excused by the Secret Service and officials as the former president mistaking Bryant's behind for a watermelon.

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