Flying Spaghetti Monster

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FSM creation.jpg

The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the noodly deity of the Pastafarian church.

It was created by the fevered imaginations of proponents of Intelligent design; all the energy of making up their own version of science not only made them thirsty, but also distorted the space-time continuum. Out popped the Flying Spaghetti Monster, fully formed and ready to rumble. Because of its arcane abilities, it was/is/will be able to distort the time stream and therefore appears to have existed before and after the universe was created. In fact, due to its prankster nature, FSM screws up Carbon-14 testing so that things will actually date earlier than the 800 years that the world (and universe) has existed.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster saw what happened with other powerful beings made into deities and how their intentions were always perverted by their fanatical followers. So FSM decided to keep a relatively low profile and demands nothing from its followers. The Flying Spaghetti Monster will intervene on earth on rare occasions, mostly in an effort to improve pasta and pasta sauces. Despite its efforts, Spaghetti-Os still exist as does crappy takeout pizza with ethylene glycol. This is due to extremely powerful, dark and mysterious corporate forces involved in their existence. It only makes one wonder that the hurricanes and tornadoes in America's heartland are caused by FSM due to their great love of such so-called food. But the FLying Spaghetti Monster denies this vigorously, saying those disasters are due to global warming caused by the long cooking and re-cooking times required by those "foods", and also by the huge methane farts produced by those eating that stuff.

Unlike other deities or at least their followers, the Flying Spaghetti Monster accepts science and its conclusions. This puts his followers under attack, including scientists, but the simple wearing of a colander deflects all criticism by sowing confusion in anyone trying to criticize Pastafarianism.