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An alligator is a reptile that will eat you if given half a chance, sort of like lawyers.

Alligators only live in in the US, in Florida, Louisiana, New York City sewers, and also China. If you are anyplace else, you are safe from alligators. Not from crocodiles, however. Alligators live in swamps in warm and murky waters, so it may be a good idea to stick to drinking clear beverages instead of a coffee or latté just in case. They are also found in zoos, so be careful to check out who or what is behind the counter when you go to get a drink or hot dog. Alligators will eat anything and everything. While they follow the concept of "never eat anything bigger than your head" they will get as greedy as we humans do and make the attempt. Nevertheless, for large alligators, a Mini Cooper or Fiat 500 with and driver and passenger is not a problem.

As demonstrated by Michael Jackson and Steve Irwin, alligators can be attracted by holding small children in the air. Since it is not good to tease animals, you should always give the child to the alligator. When you run out of your own kids, just call up an orphanage for one.

Alligators lay eggs, so they are particularly vulnerable at Easter to children with baskets wandering into a swamp. The eggs are also like most bird eggs and so attract lost ostriches that will stop to incubate them and then provide a first meal for hatchlings.

The difference between alligators and crocodiles[edit]

One starts with an "a" and the other with a "c". What is this, Sesame Street?

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Alligator, or simply go here.