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Only experienced drinkers can keep a firm grip on a bottle to avoid accidents.

There are two kinds of alcohol.

  • the kind you can drink
  • and the bad, evil, horrible, sucky stuff that you can't. Unless you really practice a lot.

Perhaps, just perhaps, the second type was made so that we wouldn't use up any of the precious nectar of the gods that blot out the something something something. But if you think about it, that's just using machinery that could be making things like rum and Everclear otherwise. Now, chemists and SJWs will tell you that we need that undrinkable alcohol for industrial processes and chemicals. But why not use drinkable alcohol for those things so we can enjoy those industrial processes and chemicals even more?

It's bad enough that alcohol just evaporates and not just when your relatives are staying over at the house or when your dog figures out how to open the liquor cabinet. It's our God-given duty to keep alcohol out of the air where it is a fire hazard and into ourselves where it belongs. You can burp after drinking a beer because otherwise you'll asplode. Otherrwise, fart any gases out like you're supposed to.

Okay, so the frikken authorities require us to remind you that you shouldn't drive drunk. I think they just mean not inside a liquor store since you might crash into a stack of wine boxes. Because you can watch any Russian dashcam video and they do something something something just fine.

A toast![edit]