Al Capone

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“The Untouchables? I aint worried about them. Now Chuck Norris is a different matter.”

~ Al Capone on Chuck Norris

Al Capone ( aka Al C'Pwn ), born Albert Euroipodius Carprawn, was picked from a grape vineyard in 1337 by a blind nun and a nomad gypsy. The gypsy, his "father", kidnapped him from his "mother", the blind nun, and whisked him off to a forbidden country. While living in said country, he learned many skills that one would use to own many people. He was learning under the great Chuck Norris until the age of 555 where in a sparring exercise, he actually owned Chuck Norris. HE OWNED CHUCK NORRIS! The spectators in the room consisted of his very sexy sister], Dr. Phil, Emo Hitler, Darth Vader, a DnD Nerd, a llama and some white guy. In a fit of exclamation, he yelled, "DAMN!! YOU JUST PWNED HIS ASS!", unknowingly mispronouncing the word "own". That was the point at which he shortened his last name to C'Pwn to signify that moment. For the rest of his life he went around the world pwning anybody that got in his way.

His Pwnage[edit]

To refine his pwning abilities, Al C'PWN first moved to Las Vegas to enter the noble field of pimpdom.  To become a pimp, Al C'PWN first needed to be initiated through the ceremony known as the "Pimping of the Ride" in which many badass pimpmobiles were created.  While pursuing this art, Al C'PWN refined such masterful abilities as the pimp slap.  One day, while pimp slapping down one of his hos, the same random white guy that bore witness to the pwning of Chuck Norris exclaimed, "DAAAAAAAYYYYYUUUM, that bitch just got Al C'PWND!" Henceforth, it was said that anyone whacked or pimp slapped by Al C'PWN is said to have been Al C'PWND. After his rise to pimpdom in the illustrious holy land of Las Vegas, C'PWN traveled to New York to enter the mob.  Once the mafia saw his infinate Al C'PWNage, he was immeadiately raised to the esteemed position of Don.  To commemorate this occation, C'PWN converted to Pastafarianism and began to whack many highly annoying nuisances from the aforementioned forbidden country.  Bored with his Al C'PWNage of regular humans, C'Pwn began to formulate a plan to pwn God...

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Al Capone, or simply go here.

His Death[edit]

Al C'Pwn died in 1999 when he tried to pwn God.  Using his mighty pimpslap he attained from his pimp training, C'Pwn propels himself up to heaven to issue his challenge to God.  At first, St. Peter did not permit him to enter as his pwning of Chuck Norris many years earlier had not put him in favor of God.  Upon hearing this, Al proceeded to C'pwn St. Peter and force his way through the pearly gates.  C'pwn then made his way to God, and at that moment wound up for one final pimpslap.  God turns around just in time to stop C'pwns mighty hand and performs a roundhouse kick to Al's head.  This was the first time in recorded history that God used this fabled technique since he learned it from Chuck Norris at the beginning of time.  As C'pwn recoiled in pain, God vaporized him and forced his ex-wife, Ima C'Pwn-Yu, why she kept her C'Pwn last name is uncertain, to write the Book of Mormon telling of the tragic event.  Thus was ended the saga of the mighty pimpdon known as Al C'PWN.His mom was one hella of a night.