Advice. also known as self-help, good-but-biased opinions, and solutions by influence is something few are good at but everyone wants to give, just so they can get their opinion across. It's advice that helps us decide what to do and decides that horror movie characters should never open that door. It should be done by experts but since advisor is not a protected title, anyone can claim they are one regardless of level of expertise. Same with nutritionists.
Question: I'm standing in line at McDonald's and I am wondering if I should extra get cheese on my Big Mac?
Answer: Wouldn't you rather have FREE extra cheese and get IMMEDIATE service? Just yell out the secret code phrase "I HAVE A BOMB AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT". Trust me on this.
Question: My upstairs neighbor is always making a lot of noise at all hours. I've complained to him and the landlord to no avail. Can you help me out?
Answer: See my good friend Vinny. It'll cost you, but it will be worth it.
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Question: My girlfriend likes to play around a lot, if you know what I mean? It's like she'll do it with anyone who asks. What should I do?
Answer: Send us her name, address and photo and we'll take care of it.
Question: There's the guy I know and he's always trying to give me advice that I don't want? What should I do?
Answer: Expect a visit from a guy named Vinny very soon. He will solve the problem. Permanently.
Question: I haven't been to confession in many years and there's something I really need to get off my chest. Should I stay or should I go?
Answer: Beats me. I worship Cthulhu so I can't help you out there.
Question: Who would be better to consult: the Oracle of Delphi or Dear Abby?
Answer: Future cloudy. Ask again later.
Question: Do you really have to point that gun at me to make your point?
Answer: Yes. Yes I do.