Phyllogicopedian Public Terminal 1.0
> You turn on your computer. The device's screen flickers - the monitor is dying. Eventually, it decides to grant you its mercy and you have access to all of two programs - Boring Mail and Boring Internet. Attempting to check your mail results in Cthulhu appearing on screen and whipping you with his e-tentacles, before eating your task bar and returning to R'lyeh.
> Lose 2 points of sanity. If you had less than 2 points of sanity, slam your head into your toaster suicidally and die.
The ILN home page greets you. Consumerist advertisements and a myriad amount of links, most of them useless, appear before you. The internet is at your fingertips.