Absurd Job Titles

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A passing Underwater Ceramics Technician

It has come to my attention that job titles are becoming unnecessarily long just for the sake of an extra 2p a week. Here at Phyllogicopedia we like to capitalize on that (though many of the liberal users will frown upon the whole capitalization thing since it's so close to capitalism.) Below are a list of everyday job titles that I've, shall we say, improved:

Pimp My Title[edit]

  • Football Player = Joint 11th Deputy of The Official <insertclubname> Society for the Protection of the Goal and the Furtherment of the Cause of the Ball Penetrating Enemy Defences. Plus A Privileged Member/Partaker of the Mens After Hours Shower Club.
  • Mr.T = Outstanding Candidate for Seminars on Catchphrases, Physical Relevance, and Reviving Humour Found During the 80's Using the Internet Communications Device.
  • Hobo = Full-time Colonel of The Association Promoting Aggression Towards Public Transport, Refusal to Enrich the Property Market, and Use of Low Bordering On No Personal Hygiene.
  • Barney The Dinosaur = Head of the ABC Costume and Child Entertainment Department, Acting Governor of Questionably Paedo.
  • Dead Guy = Full-Time Voluntary Social Withdrawer, with Powers to Legally Incinerate Themselves/Live Underground for Long Periods of Time
  • Benefit Fraudster = Recognized Thief of the State's Treasury and Supporter of Disgovernmentarianism/Twat
  • Trekkie = Lame
  • Shelf Stacker = Supervisor and Head Labourer in the Overseeing of Goods Transportation, protection and Determiner of the Delivery Location and Time.
  • Mary Poppins = Emperor and Legal Copy Right Owner of All that is Supercajafradgalisticexpealadotious.
  • Illogicopedian = Acting Member of The Article-Writing, eConsideration-Promoting, Reviewers Official Website with Influence on the Board of Directors. Also the Ceo of Amazingly Awesome and Joint Head of the Intarwebz Procrastination Department.
  • Prostitute = Mistress of the Night, Red Light Special, Fellatio Specialist, Private Dancer