Abraham Lincoln - The Untold Story

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If my hand papers were in the way of your smile then why on earth would you continue to eat apricot covered dog tags on rye? Sometimes I think you enjoy torturing bottle-cap flavored pig snouts just because they can't drive as fast as the 3 horned asbestos sauce eating canaries. You know, the ones that live in the minds of all but one, your own, which means something to none but me. Huh? Speaking of one, have you ever had a dog bark at you through his reading eye glasses? Besides there's a common link between man and horseradish. I mean, think about it, have you ever combed your hair? You see?For example, if you were to apply for a job washing the tear ducts of a rhinoceros wouldn't you wear spurs?I wouldn't, unless Jack was there. You know, the guy from in the box... Exactly! Ya know, a friend once told me, if you have three birds in your hand, you must have some pretty damn big hands!And that's exactly how president Lincoln must've felt when he said, "Ouch! That smarts you jerk!"Hey, have you ever heard the story about the man that wore red suspenders? Well, rumor has it that he likes chocolate. God doesn't look kindly on those type ya know. I mean, what would you do if all you ever heard on the radio was "I like cheese, I like prunes, I like 'em both in a big bowl!" Well, I don't care, because what really matters is that you look kindly on all creatures including playing cards. No, really! You wouldn't like it if they didn't like you! 'Cause when it all boils down to it, aren't the best numbers 3 & 75?I wish I could be 3 or at least be friends with him. He's a wise old character. You know, Johnny, Johnny one shoe?Yes, he certainly enjoys a good poke in the eye. Indeed.