A murder of cows

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You have no doubt heard about a murder of crows, the name for a flock of crows thrown about by some precious twit. However, it is very less likely that you have heard about a murder of cows.

In Autumn of 1902 in the American West, a herd of cattle encountered the toxic hallucinogen Jimson weed and found it to be quite tasty. Whilst stoned out of their gourds, they wandered into a local library and being curious animals, began examining the books in the dusty stacks. They chanced upon the history of the Ismaili Order of Assassins of Persia and Syria and absorbed the contents, at least as well as cows could. The herd then ran off to build a mountain fortress (as best as cows could) and began their training as assassins.

Ranchers assumed that the missing cows were attacked and eaten by wolves. Come the Spring, imagine their surprise to find the cows grazing where they had been left. However, cowboys walking into the herd to check brands would be seen surrounded by cows and then never seen again. Immediately, ranchers suspected grey aliens and UFOs and organized armed patrols.

However, it was not until a box of Velveeta was left as a threat for a dairy farmer whose cold hands were disliked by his cows, did the ranchers realize from where the threat came. Thus began a bloody decade-long war between cows and ranchers. This resulted in a huge supply of both beef jerky and rancher jerky, causing both their prices to plummet. Eventually, assassin cows were driven out of their American mountain strongholds and ended up in Asia. There, with additional ninja training, they now dispatch victims with kowraté.

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