A normal conversation

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I tried as much as i could to make a normal conversation with my friend. This is how it went:

ME: So...hi, friend.
FRIEND: Hey don't call me that. Call me my real name.
ME: Okay...er...hi Mr. My Real Name.
FRIEND: GAHHH! Try to be normal. Okay, other friend.
ME: What lovely weather we are having.
FRIEND: You call this lovely weather??? It's horrible!
ME: I hope the weather stays the same.
FRIEND: You hope the weather stays the same??? What goes on in that head of yours?
ME: Thoughts.
FRIEND: Thank you, Captain Obvious.'
(Captain Obvious bursts out of the ground)
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: No need to thank me.
FRIEND: I was making a figure of speech.
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Ah, i see. Just giving a speech. I always wondered how you could actually "give" one away though.
FRIEND: That was also a figure of speech.
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Wow! Two speeches! You should be a lecturer.
FRIEND: Let's try and make this normal. Goodbye, Captain Oblivious.
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Byes are good?? I thought saying bye to someone who was going to die is not good.
FRIEND: I was just saying an everyday word in an everyday sentence.
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Well...i have a train to catch.
FRIEND: Do you have a net to catch it with?
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Oh no, i haven't thought of that! I'd best buy a net!! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!!!
(He runs to the net shop)
FRIEND: That was....not normal.
ME: What was?
ME: I always thought that was normal.
FRIEND: Well...that isn't anymore....do you even know what i'm talking about?
ME: How should i know? I am merely a cameraman.[1]
FRIEND: You don't even have a job, an occupation.
ME" I have an occupation as a student.
FRIEND: Shut up.
ME: I was only programmed to shut down.
FRIEND: You were programmed?
ME: No, i was just trying to annoy you.
YOU: Who? ME?
ME: No, not you, You. Him.
HIM: Who? ME?
ME: Yes you, Him. Not to be confused with you, You.
YOU: Sure thing.
HIM: Sure is not a thing, let alone an object. I might state it is like slang even.
YOU: Of course, sure is not a thing. Things do not have minds of their own.
HIM: Sure does not.
YOU: Ah, but it "sure does".
HIM: Was that a pathetic attempt at a pun?
YOU: No, i was just trying to make the story more exciting.
HIM: That cannot possibly work.
ME: Ah, but it can.
HIM: Hey, do you actually know what i am referring to by "that"?
ME: No, but i try.
HIM: Trying is not as easy as it looks.
ME: Yes, especially since trying does not look.
HIM: Yes....i suppose so. Now i must catch a train....with this net.
(He literally catches train)
ME: So i'm left with you, You.
YOU: Yes, you.
ME: You are referring to yourself, right?
YOU: No, i am referring to you.
ME: Which is you, since you are You.
YOU: Oh shut up. I'm leaving.
ME: You have always left.
FRIEND: Can someone tell me what's happening?
YOU: I happened.
ME: You happened long ago! LONG AGO!
YOU: So it would seem if i did not live in a submarine.
YOU: ...This is why i don't try to rhyme.
FRIEND: That...was a rhyme?
ME: Rhyme time.
FRIEND: I got a good rhyme. Why do pigs fly?
ME: IS that a question or a rhyme?
ME: SO, it's a questyme?
FRIEND: No. It is both.
BOTH: I am both. Clarify, please.
FRIEND: See. He is both. Both, as in both things. Both (himself) and both (questyme).
BOTH: No you are confusing me. I am Both as in both.
ME: So...as in Both, right?
BOTH: No, but as in both.
ME: No difference.
BOTH: No. One difference.
FRIEND: Indifference?
BOTH: No. One difference.
FRIEND: OH, go away.
BOTH: I have gone this way many times. Many times.
ME: This is hardly normal.
HARD LEE: Who called me? WACHOW!
HARD LEE: Eh? This Wachow is meaty dumpling thing.
BOTH: Meaty dumpling thing.... Is that all of them?
HARD LEE: No, but a threesome.
BOTH: And that would be?
(he leaves)
BOTH: I must part.
(he also leaves)
(someone shuffles their fingers and clicks their feet)
PERSON: Doo-dah-dee-dum-dah-dee-doo.

And so....this is not as normal as you think, but rather abnormal?

ME: Do you mean as in...my abdomens are normal?

No, i mean as in abnormal.

ME: I see.
BLIND GUY: Well, i don't.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. See I'll ask the questions here! for the full story.