ASBO

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An ASBO, or Anti-Social Behaviour Order, is a legal commandment handed down by a magistrate to keep sullen teens, chavs and chavettes and bog-standard American tourists under the thumb of The Man. It became law in 1998, passed by Tony Blair and other members of Parliament that already had their youth criminal records expunged.

A broad swathe of violations was covered by ASBOs. Some were quite unique and thought very unexpected of a Nanny State.

  • thoughtcrime
  • farting obscene tunes
  • attending events with an ASBO theme, like clinics on how not to be anti-social
  • presenting theatre to a CCTV camera using 19th century drawing room comedy themes
  • looking not British
  • being a Scot
  • pulling a disgusted face whilst being served dinner

Penalties for violating an ASBO included:

  • transportation to Australia
  • wearing of one's normal school uniform
  • attending sessions of Parliament in the case of being a member
  • mandatory attendance at a clinic about anti-social behaviour. But see above.
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Anybody except Tony Blair and the nonces who passed ASBO legislation would anticipate that ASBOs would be largely ignored, which was exactly what happened. To the contrary, the acquisition of an ASBO became an important thing for chavs and chavettes. Yet rather than being a badge of street toughness, they assumed it was a coupon booklet of offers from Asda. Ford rolled out their sporty Asbo model with broken door locks and missing windows to give it the "stolen" look. More out of shame than just respecting human rights, ASBOs were replaced by CBOs (Criminal Behaviour Orders) in 2014. These were for more violent crimes, as if standing laws did not exist in the first place. Scotland continues to use ASBOs, although the standard greeting there of a punch to the face has ensured everyone there has an ASBO.