2001: A Snail Odyssey

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Who wrote the Space Iliad?

~ Tamia

Homer Simpson, of course

~ Phyllis Hyman on sarcasm

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The bottom of the sea.[edit]

A group of snails slowly approaches a mysterious purple object.

One of the snails begins to sneeze.

The others follow suit.

Soon, every single snail in the area is sneezing, as the purple object shimmers in the gloom of the sea bottom.

Slowly, the sneezing snails make their way towards the surface of the earth.

Leap.

A man is in a submarine. He has heard radio singles coming from the bottom of the ocean. That isn't supposed to happen. He's hear to find out why he's been picking up signals.

His calculator tries to kill him, but he smashes it.

Other than that, nothing deters him on his voyage to the deep.

He finally sees the bottom. There is a purple object on the ground. It glistens.

Hands. Feet.

A doorknob. A spleen.

Babies flying.

Meatloaf.

Sponge.

Hair at the bottom of a drain with clumps of crust in it.

Automated log management.

Open sores.

Chest.

Worm.

Wombat.

Carriage.

Compartment.

The man is now in a bathtub. He sneezes again and again. The sneezes become increasingly violent until he sneezes so hard...his heart flies out his nose.

An old man sits behind a desk eating fig newtons. A dust-covered human heart sits on the desk beside a bottle of chocolate milk and a tuna sandwich.

The man chews.

The purple object is now on the desk beside the heart.

The man catches sight of it. It is clear that the old man is about to sneeze.

Violently.

He plugs his nose in an attempt to stifle the sneeze. He sneezes so hard that the pressure blows up his head.

The dust clears. Where his head once was, there now rests a giant snail shell.

Miami Beach, Florida[edit]

A man with the head of a snail slowly emerges from the deep.